It's been awhile since I've come to terms with the fact the legal system gives fathers no rights, even when he is the better parent. Society simply is not ready to give fathers equal rights in regard to children. I'm not saying they should give all fathers equal regard. After all, there are some fathers that are obviously not capable of taking care of a child. I am saying both parents should be honestly evaluated and be regarded in the context of modern psychology and caregiving for a child. Irregardless, I've come to terms with the disheartening reality and am now working on paying off my legal fees incurred. To do this, I've had to take a job in Iraq for a year and hope it will be enough. It tears me apart to spend time away from my child but bankruptcy is not a viable option.

A Perfect Target
Thank you for sharing your own experiences Catherine. Not that I would wish it on anyone, but it does me good to know I am not alone in what I have suffered.
With the statistics of 4 percent of the population being Sociopaths, I can only imagine many others have suffered the same situation we have. Sadly, I believe most people discover they have been dealing with a Sociopath only after the fact. As we did. It's kind of the nature of the beast and the facade they put forth for the unsuspecting to see. They are the "Preying Mantis' of humanity. Camouflaged to our view and then pouncing on their unsuspecting prey and ripping them apart, emotionally.
With the plethora of Sociopaths in society, we almost need an advocacy group to educate people about them. Although, I would imagine the liklihood of that happening would be pretty slim, due to all the other pressing issues being dealt with on a daily basis in America and around the world.
I will pass on word of your blog to others in the hope it will benefit them as much as it does me.

Thanks for the note of support Catherine. It means more than you may realize.
Tomorrow I have the mandatory settlement conference to attend. Not too surprisingly, the Sociopath added more fabrications in her settlement conference documentation. Unfortunately, only by proceeding with a full investigation by the GAL and continuing to trial will the facts actually be brought out to show her for what she is. The GAL and the attorneys always push for a settlement, of course, because it frees up their time for what they consider more important cases. To quote Stephen Covey's book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, " you can't be efficient with people. You have to be effective." Their not attempting to find out the facts about the situation, in the beginning and only assuming both parties were lying in their sworn declarations has resulted in this process dragging on and costing even more time and money. Effectiveness would have been getting to the root of the issue from the beginning, rather than making decisions out of ignorance and allowing the situation to drag on for a year.
My biggest challenge is not allowing the situation to make me bitter. I would like to say it hasn't but I definitely have my moments when it really bothers me. To quote Nietzsche, "Whoever fights monsters must see to it that in the process he does not become a monster." I really don't think it's possible to become like a Sociopath, though.
If anyone that reads this is going through a similar situation and has a question that I may be able to help them on, please feel free to ask. I've found too little resources myself and what I have learned has been the hard way. If nothing else you will at least know you are not the only one going through this ordeal. I can't imagine this is not common. Only that most people may not realize what kind of person they are dealing with.

As the legal system plods on, it is very difficult to be patient. My waiting may be starting to pay off. The Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) recommended I get almost 50 percent time with my child, which my childs mother was quick to calculate may reduce the additional income she gets from me by 300 dollars. She quickly objected to this and stated it was because of the monitary losses she would suffer. My attorney picked up on this like a vulture on dead meat. He was almost estatic in saying it indicated she was only concerned about the money and not my child. I've been telling him this all along, of course. So, perhaps this will prove a turning point in my luck. Since the mother objected, we go to court with the GAL now and the GAL will put her recommendations in front of the Judge. I've been told all along the Judge will almost always follow the GAL's recommendations. So I may just get the time with my son I should have had all along. We'll wait and see before I count it a done deal.

The struggle for my child against his sociopathic mother has entered a new stage, now that I've had my interview with the Guardian Ad Litem (GAL).
I'd been told all along that petitioning for and hiring a GAL was still no guarantee of getting a fair shake in court. the GAL brings their own biases and assumptions to the process, just as the judges and commissioners do. You could get a GAL that is traditional in her thinking that only the mother is capable of caring for and nurturing a child. Or, you could get someone that is up to date on current parenting practices and realizes that many fathers are assuming the role of caring for children, especially when the mother is not fit.
During the interview, it was obvious, and openly stated, the GAL assumes both sides are lying in their sworn declarations about each other. I informed the GAL that my attorneys have always told me to tell the truth to the best of my knowledge and recollection. During most of the process it has even seemed to my detriment to tell the truth while the other party has been telling the most horrific lies about me. Still, after this is all over and done with, I will have retained my self respect. Although, it will make no difference to a sociopath whether they lie or who they hurt with their fabrications.
The GAL was even able to clarify some of my first courtroom experiences. During my very first appearance in court, it was before a Commissioner by the last name of dickey. I felt at the time I was being treated like a criminal and that she had assumed the sociopaths statements were true. The GAL informed me the commissioner was a "man hater" and that they also do not like attorneys from the adjoining county representing people in their county. As a result, both myself and my attorney were discriminated against in the courtroom. I went into this situation being idealistic about the justice system. Now, I'm definitely cynical about justice being blind.
Anyhow, the primary accomplishment with the GAL was she agreed to word her recommendation to suggest psychological evaluations for both parties, should we not be able to settle out of court. Now, I assume, it only remains to attend the mandatory settlement conference and inform them I want the psychological evaluations performed. Although, I have to check with my attorney and it may be possible to get the process started earlier. Once again, I will have to play the waiting game and be patient with this slow, tedious, process.

I'm really surprised when I do a blogsearch and find many people that are evidently trying to proclaim themselves Sociopaths, or at least use it as part of their titles. A true sociopath does not realize they are one. In their unique way of perceiving the world, they are the normal ones and would never even consider they have some sort of personality defect. The same way that someone we consider "crazy" does not think they are crazy. Their illness shapes and filters the way they perceive the world around them. Perhaps an appropriate analogy would be a colorblind individual that perceives only black and white. If they've never seen color before they would have absolutely no idea what it looks like. You could attempt to explain it for hours and never get the concept across. It's something that has to be experienced to be fully understood. To the Sociopath, you would be attempting to explain what mainstream society considers "normal." Something the Sociopath has never experienced and is incapable of experiencing.
In my own dealings with Sociopaths, they deny they have a problem. Not because they are lying about having a problem. simply because they are incapable of seeing how they are perceived by most others. What further compounds the issue is that most "normal" people are also incapable if imagining another having the traits of a Sociopath. Attempt to imagine someone with absolutely no empathy for others and it's impossible for most of us. Most people have lived with emotion as part of our psychological makeup all our lives and it's an integral part of the lens through which we view the world. What has really brought Sociopaths to the attention of mainstream humanity is the use of them in movies and the news we receive from around the world of people committing horrific crimes with apparently no remorse whatsoever.

I'm at the stage of conferencing with the Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) I petitioned for to represent my son. This is one of the last hopes I have of ensuring my son has a "normal" future as a child and later as an adult. I say this because Martha Stout stated " most of her patients had difficulties as a result of their contact with Sociopaths." All I can do is appeal to the GAL's sense of representing the best interest of the child and request psychological testing to verify his mother is a Sociopath. It seems simple and a fairly reasonable request, but many people do not realize Sociopaths are among us on a daily basis. It's hard for someone with normal emotions to imagine someone else having no empathy for others.
For those of you wanting to find out more about Sociopaths and the resources needed to deal with them, there is a wonderful website with many links that can be helpful. It's at www.sociopathnextdoor.com Another good site is PSYCHOPATH@groups.msn.com. There are many good links there, depending on specific needs. I found both these sites well after I first began the process of fighting the Sociopath and wish I'd had some of the information earlier. My whole idea behind this blog is to assist others before they suffer the same fate I have and I will continue to list resources as I find them.