Wednesday, June 14, 2006
It's been awhile since I've come to terms with the fact the legal system gives fathers no rights, even when he is the better parent. Society simply is not ready to give fathers equal rights in regard to children. I'm not saying they should give all fathers equal regard. After all, there are some fathers that are obviously not capable of taking care of a child. I am saying both parents should be honestly evaluated and be regarded in the context of modern psychology and caregiving for a child. Irregardless, I've come to terms with the disheartening reality and am now working on paying off my legal fees incurred. To do this, I've had to take a job in Iraq for a year and hope it will be enough. It tears me apart to spend time away from my child but bankruptcy is not a viable option.
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3 comments:
Stout indicates that people of the species of your former wife ususally self destruct. You child will need you and I urge you not to give up.
I have recently identified my fiance's daughter as a sociapathic personality. She's 19. I have struggled for a year to get her father to break the cycle of her control and abuse and to "hold the line" with her as far as rules and boundries go. She is sucking him dry emotionally, mentally and financially. He says as long as she is trying to change he will try to help her. Her "trying to change" has now earned her a felony charge. My struggle goes beyond this effort to get him to understand his daughter's unwillingness to change or to give up "using" her father and family. But, to establish myself as the partner in his life, the primary woman so to speak. Unfortunately, he works diligently at "protecting" me from this aspect of his life and compartmentalizes our life together so that I am shut away, and kept in the dark as he and his daughter work to "Change her behavior." She has made the reference time and again that it has "always been just me and my dad" when referring to my having a place in her father's life. I can't make my fiance' see that he continues to give his daughter that #1 spot in his life and that seat of power/control and has taught her that she doesn't need to respect me, and indeed I am subordinate to her, on several levels. I've tried to enlist his sisters to get him to understand why I'm "getting cold feet", but nothing of substance changes. I'm at the end of my rope. I don't know where else to turn or what else to try. Suggestions? (Yes, I know the final course is likely walking away and I'm ready to do that...sooner rather than later) Thanks
I'm not agreeing that fathers don't have rights during custody battles. My best friend, an incredible mother, lost her kids this spring to a sociopathic soldier in Fort Knox. Because he was a soldier, everything he said - lies - was taken to be truth.
The one thing you can do that my friend is doing is to continue to tell you children everything. Do not shelter them once they get to a certain age (twelve or so). Sooner or later, they will see what you see.
But, man, you have no idea how many women lose their kids these days to soldiers and to men who use their control of the paycheck and her life in general to create havoc in her lives. I read every day about men who kill their kids and themselves to get back at a woman.
It's bad all around.
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